What I Meant to Tell You
by BritaniaVane
Summary: Finn and Rey share a moment alone after celebrating with the Resistance on Ajan Kloss. Spoiler Warning: Post-Rise of Skywalker.


Every bone in her body ached, begging that she rest, but Rey couldn't fathom stopping - not just yet.

The Resistance was still celebrating, many still awake as the insects of Ajan Kloss began purring with the nightfall, humming to the tune of the dissipating heat as the jungles began to ready for sleep. But there was much revelry to be had, and with good reason. They'd done it, they'd _finally _done it. So why didn't she feel that she deserved rest?

Finn had finally released her and Poe from an endless and much needed hug once he grew hungry, promising to bring something back for the three of them. But Poe had already fallen asleep where he sat, warmed by one of the many bonfires they'd created to last them through the night.

She knew Finn would be back soon, so she slipped away quickly, quietly, and padded her way through the grass to the _Falcon, _not far off from where she stood. A friendly whimper startled her, only slightly, as she was about to ascend the loading ramp.

"Hey, Chewie," she said warmly as Chewbacca wrapped her up in a quiet hug, looking toward the base. He didn't have to say it, but she knew he was looking towards General Organa's final resting place, missing his princess. Rey looked, too, glancing toward the place where her body had disappeared and become one with the Force as Connix had told her earlier. If her bones ached already, her heart ached even more at the thought of it. _It's all my fault._

"No, it's not."

Rey spun around, Chewie still at her side, to find Finn walking towards them as the sun set behind him, haloing his silhouette with pink and gold, three drinks in hand. His eyes were warm, though his expression betrayed whatever sadness he felt about it all too. Walking closer, he handed Rey a warm cup, handing the other to Chewie before taking a sip of his own.

"That one _was _for Poe, but the rascal's already fast asleep," Finn said to Chewie, a faint smile on his face. Rey couldn't help but mirror him, though a lingering question swam about her head. She'd save it for later, though when, exactly, she wasn't quite sure.

Chewie sat down on a rock beside the _Falcon' _s loading ramp, nodding in thanks towards Finn as he lifted his cup in silent cheers. Rey could feel the sadness radiating off of him, wondering what the Wookiee would do now. Wookiees could live for hundreds of years, but to lose three of his greatest friends in so short a span of time, it must have weighed heavy on him, despite everything else. Being another old friend, she was sure Lando might be in the market for a co-pilot, if the man planned on doing anything in his well-earned retirement, just as in need of mourning his friends as Chewbacca.

"It'll take some time," Finn said quietly, his voice gently pulling Rey out of her reverie. "We won, but that doesn't mean we didn't lose anything to get here."

Rey wanted to agree. She wanted to feel thankful. She knew she should, but part of her still felt uneasy, responsible.

"She knew what she was doing," he said again, this time looking Rey in the eye. Distant firelight glittered in the dark of his irises, a look of solemn knowing crossing his face as he took a step closer to her. And that's when she felt it, the fair hair on her arms and the back of her neck standing on end.

"I would ask you how you know what I'm thinking," Rey said, her voice barely a whisper as the Force flowed through her, her skin growing cold with the realization, "But I think I know. Somehow, I've always known."

She looked at Finn, tears swimming in her eyes as the knowledge dawned on her, his smile widening with a somber knowing as he took another step closer, their shoulders now touching as they stood side-by-side next to Chewie, looking out at the still celebrating Resistance in the near distance. Though it was muffled, they could hear snippets of conversation from here, but with the Force -

"Rose is over there telling Connix about her sister," Finn said, leaning gently into Rey. "And Zorri is over there, still afraid to take off her mask and admit that she wished she'd joined us sooner. But everything is well, everyone is relieved. We just need to think of what comes next."

Rey stood there beside him, taking the warmth of him in, letting Finn's energy mesh with her own, the Force mingling gently between them. Her bones ached a little less, though the guilt didn't dissolve as instantly as she'd hoped, and she figured it never would. She took another sip of her drink, watching on as the others went about smiling, laughing, telling jokes and stories, re-enacting what had just happened in the sky above Exogol.

She remembered looking up at them all, a sky full of stars only instead of stars there were _ships _. As if the galaxy had appeared en masse to take back what was theirs - freedom, peace, love, _life _.

"I felt it, you know," Finn said after a moment, his voice breaking as he said it. He looked at her sidelong now, his face so close to hers in the evening dusk, "I felt you die, just as you felt Leia."

Rey turned to meet his gaze but she could only watch him, her eyes flitting between his as the events of the last day ran through her brain rapid-fire again, as if replaying it over and over could help her do it all over again, do it _better _somehow, and save them all.

"I wonder if Luke felt the same," Rey said, a tear sliding down her face, wiping it away with the heel of her hand before continuing, "When he stopped the Empire the first time, but couldn't save his father."

Finn leaned into her with his shoulder again before reaching around to hold her to him.

"I don't think it's ever easy, overcoming an evil like this," Finn said as Rey laid her head on his shoulder, fighting back the rest of her tears as she breathed deeply, feeling the calm radiating off of him as they stood there together.

Chewie whimpered again, agreeing. _No one knew it better than Leia._

"She must have known, she must have been ready," Rey said, "But I had so much to tell her, I had so much to _ask _. I wish I had just-"

"Had more time?" Finn asked, knowing it was the answer as Rey nodded almost instantly. "Well, there's time now, for everything else. _You _gave that to us. To all of us."

Rey looked back out at the others just beyond the underbrush, gratitude welling within her somewhere beneath the guilt, "But I couldn't have done it without all of you."

She could feel Finn smile beside her as Chewie muttered an appreciative thanks. The Wookiee stood now, handing his empty cup to Finn with a nod before disappearing into the _Falcon _behind them, to mourn his friends and the adventures they'd had so many years ago in solitude. Rey wanted to go after him, but she understood, the grief still so near.

"I may not have any kind feelings for Kylo Ren, for what he did to me, to you, or to the galaxy," Finn said once the Wookiee was gone, his voice contemplative despite the subject, "But I do wonder what he was like, before. Chewie helped raised him, he was Leia's son, he was the boy we watched Han try to talk down from the brink. I can never forgive the pain he caused them, or to the galaxy, but he did something right in bringing you back."

"You felt that, too?" Rey asked, feeling sheepish. It was strange, when she died. She'd felt as if she were floating, amorphous and without shape, in an endless black. And then, suddenly, there was starlight and life and warmth and she was alive again, and all because of Ben Solo, no longer Kylo Ren. Overcome with relief she'd- she couldn't even say it, not even to herself.

Finn nodded, almost laughing inwardly, though not at her.

"Feeling it is one thing, but I wanted you to hear it from me. I wanted to tell you about it all sooner, I wanted to tell Leia, though I think she already knew."

She knew he meant the Force, and part of her wished she'd not been so caught up with destiny and fate, with the past and future to forget so wholly about the present, about what she'd had here with Finn, with Poe, with the rest of the Resistance. With her _friends _.

"I know now," Rey said, hope taking root within her, "And now is what matters, right?"

"Now always matters," Finn replied, "We'll make it matter. Every second."

And Rey knew… she may have felt fleeting moments of redemption for Kylo, but the warmth and starlight, the light of life and strength of heart she'd sensed in him only once in a vision and only once in truth before he surrendered to the Force, these were things she had _always _felt in Finn. From the moment they'd met, never wavering. He was her guiding light, her anchor. He was the one to bring her away from Jakku, the first one to come back for her, the first one to show her friendship and the first one to show her love. He'd risk everything or her, and she for him.

Without thinking, Rey reached for Finn's face, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath her fingers as she searched his eyes, wide for a moment but calm as he gazed back at her, full of wonder and relief. They still stood side-by-side, drinks in hand and Finn's other arm around her, but now Rey turned so her body faced his until their chests pressed together. Finn didn't say anything though his eyes never left Rey's, the gentleness in his stare never wavering as she took all of him in, the hand he had around her shoulder now reaching for her waist. Rey wanted to laugh at the cups they still held awkwardly between them, but just as the smile spread across her face at the thought, Finn leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. Rey's smile only widened further.

"Remember when we were on Pasaana?" he asked, his voice a whisper, "What I meant to tell you, was that I-"

But before he could finish, Rey pressed her lips to his and Finn didn't protest. It wasn't just warmth and starlight she felt, being this close to Finn, it was calm, it was _right _\- this was **home**.

She pulled away, but only slightly, their foreheads still touching as she took his expression in, lingering somewhere between surprise and comfort.

"Yeah, that," Finn said sheepishly, a laugh lacing his voice as he spoke, betraying his inner nervousness.

"And what I've always meant to tell _you_, was thank you," she said, her voice whispersoft as she looked into his eyes, "_For everything _."

With Kylo, she'd felt relief, but with Finn… she felt worlds worth of something more, something that was already there and always would be.

Finn smiled, and Rey wondered if he could somehow feel her thoughts as he had before, if they were uncomplicated enough for him to understand, for she knew it would be a while before she could articulate everything she felt and everything that had happened to her in the past few days, in the past few _years _, and beyond. But somehow, she knew. And Finn did, too.

"You can thank me by training me," Finn said as Rey's cup shifted out of her hand and into the air, Finn's as well. Both cups rose into the air above them, hovering like moons in Finn and Rey's orbit, before Finn lowered them gently onto the grass beside them, only to crash into the rock Chewie sat on earlier before touching the ground.

Finn grimaced, "Needs some work."

Rey laughed, her grief dissolving for just a moment, making way for a seed of hope, relieved to see Finn's usual humor come out so easily despite all that had happened. She looked up at Finn again, thinking back to the first time she saw him on Jakku when she thought him a dashing Resistance agent adrift on the Outer Rim. Not much had changed since then, only he'd earned his title of Resistance General a thousand times over. And why not a Jedi Master one day as well?

"You can train _with _me," she corrected after considering it, her bones no longer aching, her body light and weightless, as if supported by the Force alone. "I still have some things I have to learn as well."

"Together," Finn said after a moment, soaking in the silence between them, looking back out at the crowd as he embraced her. Rey smiled into his chest before laying her head on his shoulder, looking at the others now along with him.

"_Together_," she echoed.

* * *

Notes:

I wanted a FinnRey moment to cap this movie off, and while I still think the ship is possible, I just wanted to clear the air about how I felt about certain things and how I'd wished things had ended... I hope you enjoy! (also posted to AO3 under BritaniaVance)


End file.
